ParentingHub

Raising a child is one of the most difficult jobs in the world. It’s also the most fulfilling. Here are 9 child-rearing tips to help you become a better parent, and enjoy your child more, too.

Nurture Your Child’s Self Confidence
Children form opinions of themselves from babies, as they watch and judge your reactions to them. Your tone of voice, your stance, your expressions and your reactions – all play a part in forming your child’s image of himself. To help your child grow in confidence and develop a positive self esteem be sure to encourage. Even praising small accomplishments will make them feel proud. Let your child shoulder small responsibilities, this will help them to feel capable and independent. Avoid negative comments, even in jest, as they will undermine your child’s fragile self confidence and make them feel worthless. Make sure your child knows that you love him, even if he makes mistakes.

Positive Parenting
Do you ever feel that all you do is nag your kids? Louise from Cape Town says, “Some days I feel like I’m constantly telling my twins to pick up their toys, eat their dinner, have a bath, brush your teeth, go to bed... and I realise I’ve hardly said anything positive the whole day.” Try to turn negatives into positives, like, “Wow, you’re picking up your toys. That’s great!” or “I saw you helping your sister get dressed yesterday, you made me so proud.” Positive comments go a long way to encourage good behaviour than nagging and telling off. Praise every day and be generous with your hugs, cuddles and love.

Setting Boundaries
Discipline is essential for kids to learn self-control and suitable behaviours. Put boundaries in place in your home that allow your kids space to develop, but teach them good behaviour, respect and control. Janice from Pretoria says, “I don’t allow TV until homework is done, and my daughter has to help me wash the dishes after supper. I’m trying to teach her that her school work is important, and that running a home is a team job, not just for mom.” Your child may test your boundaries, so devise a suitable system for consequences, such a loss of privileges, or time out. It’s important that you are consistent in disciplining your children, or else they won’t take you seriously and pushing the limits soon gets out of hand.

Quality Time
Make quality time for your children. Kids that don’t get enough attention from their parents act out or form inappropriate behaviours to get reactions. Some ideas are to eat together at the dinner table every night, or get up earlier to have breakfast with your child. Turn Sunday evenings into a game night, where no TV is allowed, or take a stroll after dinner in the evenings, or when you get home from school.

Lead by Example
An expert at KidsHealth.org has this to say: “Young kids learn a lot about how to act by watching their parents. The younger they are, the more cues they take from you. Before you lash out or blow your top in front of your child, think about this: is that how you want your child to behave when angry? Be constantly aware that you're being observed by your kids. Studies have shown that children who hit usually have a role model for aggression at home.”

Communicate Effectively
Open lines of communication are essential to cultivating a positive relationship with your child. Children deserve explanations, discussion and justification as well as adults. You can’t always expect them to do something just because you say so. By taking the time to explain, you help your child understand your motives and reasoning. This helps them assimilate information as they grow and develop, and not only will they learn good behaviour but they’ll understand the value behind it.

Be Flexible
As a parent, you must be willing to adapt your parenting style should the need arise. All kids develop at different rates and you shouldn’t put too much pressure on yourself or your child because they are not performing as well as other kids. Angela from Joburg says, “I was worried because my neighbour’s daughter who is the same age as Dillon was potty trained at 2. My daughter was still in nappies after her third birthday.” It helps to read up on the matter or speak to other parents or specialists if you’re worried about your child’s development.

Unconditional Love
Children need to know they are loved no matter what. So even when you’re disciplining or reprimanding, make sure you child knows that even though you’re disappointed, you still love them unconditionally.

You’re Only Human
Admit that you also have weaknesses as a parent. Focus on tacking the most important issues, but don’t try to take on everything at once. Know your limitations. Try to work on your weaknesses, like Maureen from Cape Town who says, “I knew consistency in discipline was my weak point. Sometimes when my son was naughty I’d make him do ‘time out’, but other times I’d cave in and cuddle him when he performed. I knew I had to be consistent or else he would not take me seriously as a parent, and walk all over me, which encourages bad behaviour. I didn’t want this, so I’ve vowed to toughen up.” Also make sure to take some time for yourself. If you’re more relaxed and happier, you’re a better parent. Caring about your own needs does not make you selfish, it makes you a responsible parent.