ParentingHub

should, and how frustrating. When the kids are distracted by after school activities, the games console, texts from friends, television and computers, convincing your kids to take care of their household chores and other responsibilities can be a real challenge.

What is the best way to motivate them to do what needs to be done? Well, it depends very much on the child. What works in one family may not work in yours. And what works with one child may not work with another. We have a few suggestions below for you to pick and choose from.

1. First, and most importantly, remember that, as parents, it's easy to fall into the trap of wanting to be a friend to your child. Your goal, however, is to be their leader, teacher, and motivator - not their friend. That's what their friends are for!

2. Everyone loves praise. Your kids love praise, too, and they also want your attention. If they know that doing the things they're supposed to do will get noticed and bring them praise, they're much more likely to do those things. Catch them doing well, and you are reinforcing good behaviour.

3. Offer rewards. Some children are motivated by rewards. The rewards don't have to be large or involve money. You can reward your children by:
• Spending time with them doing an activity they enjoy
• Reading to them
• Playing games with them
• Curling up and watching a movie together
• Letting them choose desert or the type of homemade treat you will cook together.

At its best, the "reward" concept can introduce your child to the very important concept of consequences. Some examples:
• You help to tidy up the toys, and then we'll bake a cake.
• You get into the bath without a fuss, and then we'll have time for two stories tonight instead of one.
• You get your homework done promptly tonight and concentrate well, and not only will your teacher will be pleased with you, but we'll have time for a game of cards before supper.

At its worst, the "reward" turns into a bribe.
• If you'll sit quietly and watch the television while I get some work done, I'll buy you that new video game you said you wanted.
• Work hard and I'll give you R50 for every A you get on your report this term.
If you can stay clear of "bribery", rewards can be positive motivators for your children. Everyone, adults included, finds it easier to get through the chores if they have something to look forward to.

4. Lead by example. If your kids see you doing nothing all day long, they'll feel as if it's okay for them to do the same thing! Remember that your children are like a sponge and they look up to you and want to emulate you.

Let children know that, sometimes, everyone has to do things that they don't particularly want to do. Point out, for example, that you might not enjoy cooking supper every night of the week - but that you do it anyway, make the best of it, and reward yourself with a meal out or a delivery every once in a while! Show your kids that regular tasks can be rewarding, and that sometimes you just have to buckle down and do something.

5. Bad consequences. The flipside to point 3, rewards, is bad consequences. Every child has to learn that, if they don't do what they are expected to do, there will be a consequence that they won't necessarily like. Remember, there's a big difference between consequences and punishment. When your children don't do the things they're supposed to do, you are aiming to teach them how their actions or inactions can have a negative impact on their lives and the lives of others.

Some examples:
• I asked you to help tidy the toys, so that we could bake a cake. Sadly, you didn't help me. That means there will be no cake today.
• You've been fidgeting and singing and being silly all afternoon and now you've taken so long to do your homework that we don't have time to play a game. And you haven't finished the exercise, either, so your teacher will be disappointed with you tomorrow.
• You know you are expected to make your bed every morning and help your brother empty the dishwasher. As you haven't been doing so, I am going to take your video game away for a week. When you start doing your chores properly again, you can have it back.

6. Show love. Your children need and want your love and devotion. Get involved in their lives. If your child is really interested in something, do it with them! Showing children that you appreciate them and respect their choices will build a deeper bond between you. When you ask them to get something done, they'll be more likely to do it.

Finally, remember that motivating your children isn't always going to be easy. It takes dedication and consistency to provide the example and direction needed for your child to learn the right lessons. And while it may often seem easier to throw in the towel and just do things yourself, standing steadfast and finding new ways to motivate your kids is much more likely to help them become productive, responsible adults.